One Size Fits All (The Classy ‘n’ Sassy Series Book 3) Read online

  Penny walked to the front door and unlocked it, then flipped on the hot pink neon Open sign. Chanel immediately started her morning task of putting last night’s discarded try-ons back on their hangers. It was the most pain-in-the-ass job at the shop and everyone hated it. Penny guiltily felt satisfaction in watching Chanel do it.

  But she had more important things to do, like planning the marketing for their big Halloween shindig. They were supposed to discuss the party details last night, but after several martinis and a raucous game of I Never, that was the last thing on their minds.

  By the time Mia walked in at noon, Penny had done a bra fitting, helped a woman pick an outfit for her husband’s fortieth birthday, discussed the pros and cons of each dildo with a gay couple (since she now owned the entire Classy ’n’ Sassy line), and started designing the invitations for the Halloween bash.

  “Do we really need an animated spider on the invitation?” Mia asked, pointing to the photo on the computer screen.

  “But it’s a happy spider with a sexy smile.”

  “Can a spider have a sexy smile?”

  “This one does.” They both giggled. “I was playing around with this new program. It has a ton of graphics. I thought it might be fun to do something that was more cutesy Halloween instead of scary.”

  Mia tilted her head and looked at the screen. “I’m not sure about this. Let’s see what else we can do.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Mia walked away and Penny saved her project and opened a new one. What would entice people to come to a sexy Halloween bash and buy provocative costumes that were unsuitable for wear outside the bedroom? Can’t go wrong with a half-naked man. She plopped in one of Logan’s modeling shots, full six-pack on display.

  Six months ago there never would’ve been a half-naked man on their promotional materials. But when the shop was dangerously close to closing and they were within weeks of losing their jobs, a huge risk was necessary. And it ended up being the most brilliant idea any of them ever had. They took hot guys with nice penises and re-created them into exact-replica sex toys. And the guys themselves became almost like celebrities, doing meet and greets in the store, posing for photos, and signing autographs. Never could they have predicted how successful it would all be.

  So now that the shop was safe and thriving, it was time to move forward and solidify their success. And they were going to do what they did best: throw a fabulous party and sell tons of merchandise.

  Step one was maximizing their assets, and that was Logan, one of their dildo models. Originally there were two of them, but Oliver retired once he and Mia fell in love. Bryn and Mia had talked about replacing him, but there just hadn’t been time.

  Penny stared at the dreaminess on her screen. Logan was completely sexy with those piercing blue eyes, sandy blond hair, and charm for miles. He was the perfect spokesmodel, or rather “spokespenis,” for Classy ’n’ Sassy. More than once she’d wished she could take home the real Logan instead of just his rubber clone. Why were all the best ones gay?

  Back to work. Plastering his body on the postcard was the easy part. But how could she make him Halloweenish? She added a pirate hat on his head and put a sword in his hand. A pirate was always a popular Halloween costume for a guy, right?

  Boring.

  Penny deleted it. Instead she found a wizard hat and put a wand in his hand. She added a cauldron in the corner of the postcard and typed across the top, “You’re under my spell.”

  She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. It wasn’t great, but it was a better direction.

  The door chime sounded and Mia called for her. When she reached the boutique floor, Chanel was on the phone and Mia was ringing up a purchase. Penny approached the newest customer. “Hi! What can I help you with today?”

  “I need a good sports bra. Do you have heavy-duty ones? I don’t want to feel them move at all when I’m at Zumba class.”

  “I’ll show you what we have and you can try them on.”

  “Can I dance around in the dressing room?”

  “Sure!”

  Penny helped her select a few bras that were the most supportive and set the woman up in the large dressing room with plenty of room for shimmying and shaking if she wanted to properly test the bras.

  When Penny came out, Bryn was at the front counter, hair up in a messy bun, sundress on, looking as flawless as ever. “What are you doing here on your day off?”

  “Eli had a doctor’s appointment and we’re meeting up when he’s done. I was bored at home so I came here.”

  Mia finished up her sale and turned to the others. “Since we’re all here, maybe we can actually talk about the Halloween party, seeing as we forgot to last night.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Bryn turned to Chanel, done with her call. “Can you hold down the fort while we have a meeting?”

  “Sure.” She flashed her pearly grin.

  Penny, Mia, and Bryn filed into the break room and sat at the table. Penny opened a notepad, pen poised in her hand. “So, what’s the plan?”

  “I’m thinking sexy scary,” Bryn said. “We should cash in on the whole hot vampire and werewolf thing.”

  Mia nodded. “I like it, but as long as we don’t go overboard. I don’t want this to turn into a cheesy haunted house atmosphere.”

  “What if we play up the whole scary sexy thing with other costumes, too?” Penny added. “Instead of just a naughty nurse, it’s a zombie naughty nurse. And maybe a French maid with an ax in her back. Or something like that. Let’s take all the cliché costumes and make them a little scary. We can sell all the traditional sexy costumes, but also the kits to zombify them.”

  “I like it,” Bryn said. “Let’s do it. Who’s wearing what?”

  Mia rolled her eyes and sighed. “We have to dress up?”

  “Of course—it’s a Halloween party. How are we supposed to sell costumes if we’re not wearing them ourselves?”

  “But these ones aren’t exactly suitable for public view.”

  Bryn turned to Penny, shaking her head. “She’s such a stick-in-the-mud.”

  Penny laughed. “I love dressing up, so I’m in. I like the nurse costume.”

  “Can’t do that one,” Mia immediately spoke up. “It has nipple cutouts.”

  “How about the sexy police officer then?”

  “I’d like to claim that one,” Bryn said. “I figure since Eli wears a real police uniform all day, it might be fun if I wore one in the bedroom.”

  Penny flipped through the catalogue. Sexy schoolgirl, pirate wench, a ride ’em cowgirl. Even a sexy ninja. She flipped some more. “Oh! How about a sexy zombie clown?” She turned the catalogue around to show them.

  “It’s yours.”

  “Mia, you can pick yours later,” Bryn said. “I know it’ll take you an eternity to decide which costume covers the most skin. Let’s move on to other things. I think we should offer discounts to anyone who buys a costume before the party and agrees to model it. What do you think?”

  Mia jumped in with, “Not too much of a discount.”

  “Don’t worry. What else can we do?”

  Mia spoke again. “A costume contest. Maybe even bobbing for apples.”

  “That’s fun and all,” Penny said. “But we need something different. Something that ties in our products more.”

  “She’s right,” Bryn said, turning to Mia. “Playing it safe won’t get us anywhere. We already know that.” She turned back to Penny. “Whaddaya got?”

  Penny opened her brain and let the ideas flow out. “How about a Halloween carnival theme? Guests can play games and win prizes? It might sound silly, but what about a ring toss with dildos?

  The blank stares made it hard to read their minds.

  Finally Mia said something, her standard reply to most ideas. “It’s probably going to cost
too much money.”

  “I don’t think that’s the issue,” Bryn said. “I see what you’re going for and I think you’re on the right track, but not quite there yet.”

  “Okay.” Penny drew an X over her notes. “I’ll keep thinking.”

  “Good. And while you’re doing that, try not to think too much about Thor.” Bryn’s right eyebrow was cocked, a sly grin across her face.

  “What?” Penny’s cheeks warmed to a thousand degrees. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “We saw the way you looked at him. For a moment there I thought I should hold a napkin under your mouth in case you drooled.”

  “I wasn’t going to drool,” Penny said, flustered, and flipped the page in her notebook and started drawing squiggles. “But I won’t apologize for checking out a hot guy. I’m single now and it’s allowed.”

  “Oh, it’s very allowed. And I think you definitely need to make a move on him.”

  “Are you even ready to start dating?” Mia asked.

  Some days Penny wasn’t sure. She’d been with Jack for so long. Married five years, together for three before that.

  But after last night, being so close to such a sexy man, the uncertainty was changing to a yes. Waves of tingles had surged through her body when Thor looked at her, a feeling she hadn’t felt in . . . maybe forever. Then add in the visions that wouldn’t leave her head all night. Primal and raw. Her body broke out into a sweat just thinking about it.

  Oh, she was definitely ready for some of that.

  “Well, didn’t you just get lost in thought?” Bryn giggled. “I guess you answered Mia’s question without saying a word.”

  “He’s a good guy,” Mia said. “And if you think you’re ready to get back out there, he’s a great choice.”

  “I agree. And if you’re not totally ready . . . ” Bryn’s smile turned mischievous. “It won’t hurt to enjoy some fabulous sex.”

  The tingles in Penny’s body returned with the thought.

  “Okay, okay. Can we get back to what we’re supposed to be talking about?” Mia begged.

  “Yes. The party. Sexy and sorta scary without being cheesy.” Bryn flipped through the Halloween lingerie catalogue and a picture caught Penny’s eye.

  “Wait. Go back.” Penny snagged the catalogue and opened to a page with sexy disco costumes. “What about this?”

  “Disco? Didn’t we rule out that theme for our last party because it was lame?”

  “I’m not thinking disco for the Halloween party, but how about just dancing in general? Like “Thriller” and the zombies. Maybe we could even get a dance troupe to perform it.”

  “I don’t know. That might be kinda silly.”

  “It’s totally classic. People will love it.”

  Mia and Bryn looked at each other, but Mia spoke. “It’s great that you’re trying to think outside the box, but I’m not sure this is the right direction. We need to at least try and keep this classy.”

  Penny tried to mask her disappointment. Again. “Okay.”

  Bryn’s phone dinged and she stood. “That’s Eli. I gotta go.” She patted Penny’s shoulder as she walked past. “We’ll figure it out.”

  Mia stood, too. “Let me know when you have a new mock-up for the invite. I’ll come look at it and we’ll discuss what changes need to be made. Hopefully you’ll have something solid I can approve by the end of the day.”

  Penny was left alone in the break room, not sure what had just happened. Since when did her bosses doubt her ideas? Since when did they need to “approve” her work? Things had shifted somehow, and she didn’t like it.

  ---------

  “READY? GO! One . . . Two . . . Three . . . ” Thor counted out as the kids in his second period phys-ed class did jumping jacks. It was only the second week of school, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t start it out right. He was a big supporter of keeping kids active. He knew how distracted they were these days with video games and other electronic devices. When he was a kid, he was hardly ever in the house.

  “Twenty-three . . . Twenty-four . . . And twenty-five. Hit the floor for fifty crunches. And this time I want to hear you guys count.”

  As he ticked off his attendance list, his mind drifted to the night before. Mia, Bryn . . . and Penny. He’d had plenty of experience with newly divorced women. Free for the first time in years, they were ready for carefree sex, and he’d been kind enough to oblige. Was that all Penny wanted, too?

  “Coach? What’s next?” His assistant shook him out of his thoughts.

  “Five laps around the gym.”

  As his kids ran circles around him, he zoned out again. Penny seemed different from the divorcées of his past. She had that innocent girl-next-door thing going. Maybe she was just a good girl getting out of a bad situation.

  The kids finished their laps and he let them spend the rest of class doing whatever they wanted. He wouldn’t start his official lessons until the following week.

  He headed for the bleachers and sat. He should’ve been watching the kids, taking notes, realizing each one’s strengths and weaknesses so he knew how to proceed, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Penny.

  He knew he shouldn’t, but he pulled out his cell phone and brought up the shop’s Web site. There was a photo gallery from past events. He scrolled down, and wow. He’d forgotten she’d modeled in the summer lingerie show with Mia and Bryn.

  One of the photos showed Penny strutting down the catwalk, hand on her hip, wide smile across her face. She was gorgeous, with her blond hair in waves, sex appeal and confidence for miles.

  “Coach?”

  His assistant teacher stood before him and he quickly shoved his phone back into his pocket. “Yeah?”

  “Class is over.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Thor stood and blew his whistle. “Time to clean up.”

  As the kids scrambled to put away the various pieces of sporting equipment, a football fell and wobbled away.

  “I’ll get it, Coach Rublinski,” one of the kids called out.

  “Toss it here,” he said to Joey once he had picked it up. The kid pulled his arm back and like a cannon, it shot straight at him. “Good throw.”

  Joey trotted over. “Thanks.”

  “Have you ever thought of playing football?”

  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his mesh gym shorts, his gaze to his feet. “Kinda. But my mom says we don’t have the money.”

  Thor’s heart sank. He’d been that kid. The kid who wore sneakers until the soles fell off. The kid who shopped for clothes at yard sales and thrift stores. But at least he’d had football. The one place where no one made fun of him.

  “The only thing you need money for is cleats. If I let you borrow a pair of mine, would you do it?”

  Joey nodded and a small smile bowed his lips. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Thor noticed the gym was now empty. “Go change. But let me know about football, okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks Coach.” He ran off to the locker room.

  A pair of Thor’s cleats would be at least three or four sizes too big for Joey, but they’d make it work. Or he’d just buy him a new pair. Whatever he had to do to give this kid a place to fit in.

  CHAPTER Three

  Five o’clock couldn’t come fast enough. After three more attempts at designing the party invite, and three more rejections from Mia, Penny was more than ready to get out of there and destress. She’d never felt this way about work before. Yeah, there had been crazy days filled with annoying customers or phones ringing off the hook, but the problems had never been with her bosses. And that made her sad. They’d always been more like friends than employers and employee, kind of a Three Musketeers thing. But somehow there’d been a shift. She wasn’t quite equal anymore. She couldn’t say how or when it happened, but she was definitely feeling it.


  “Good night,” Penny said, poking her head into Mia’s office.

  “Good night.” She smiled back. “I’m off tomorrow, but can you work on the invitation some more? We really need to get it done as soon as possible. Bryn will be here, but you guys can email it to me. I want to see it before the order’s placed.”

  Penny forced her smile. “Okay. Have a good day off.”

  She sucked in a deep breath as she stepped outside to the back parking lot. It was still technically summer, but it wasn’t quite as warm anymore. She sat in the driver’s seat and rummaged through her purse for her lip balm. Found it, but it was almost gone. And she remembered she was almost out of conditioner, too. Guess I’m stopping at the store on the way home.

  Penny wandered around Target after getting what she needed, and a few things she didn’t. There was no rush to get home. She strolled up and down the Halloween aisles, wondering if Bryn and Mia had thought of party décor yet. There were some cute decorations. She grabbed a few glittery fake pumpkins and stuck them in her big red cart. Wait. Better not. She put them back. She had no clue what they wanted, and apparently everything now had to be “approved” first.

  She left the section and headed toward the register, but an end cap filled with scented body wash caught her eye.

  Crash!

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” she shrieked. Another big red cart had jutted out from the aisle in front of her and she’d rammed right into it.

  “Don’t be. It’s my fault,” a masculine voice said, and then the face that went with it stepped into view. “Oh. It’s you. Hi.”

  Thor’s cheeks pinkened and she felt her own do the same. “Hi.”

  “I was actually just thinking about you.” He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck as his cheeks deepened in color, almost as red as their carts.

  “Yeah?”

  He met her gaze. “Yeah.”

  It was so damn cute to see such a big manly guy act like that and she couldn’t contain her smile. “So what brings you to Target today?”

  “The usual. A giant package of toilet paper, deodorant, and track pants.” He held his hand out to his half-full cart, Vanna White style. “And apparently I’m a sucker for five-dollar DVD sales.”